Meditation for Lower Blood Pressure

This is no kidding! If you want to help lower your blood pressure then learn meditation techniques. It has been found those who practice meditation on a regular basis can lower their blood pressure and even lower the amount of medication they take. This interesting study was written in an article by Allison Aubrey, a correspondent for NPR news, called, “To Lower Blood Pressure Open Up and Say ‘OM’.”

In Aubrey’s article she cited a study on meditation and the effects on those with high blood pressure and on medication. She wrote, “It helps increase the formation of a compound called nitric oxide, which causes blood vessels to open up. This, in turn, lowers blood pressure” (web).

Using meditation for health purposes whether emotional or physical has nothing to do with religion or faith unless those things are incorporated by those who are involved in the practice. There are many videos, audios, and suggestions on the web. I have personally found that meditation helps me focus better and helps my discernment and intuition. I find the practice relaxing. Meditating can also help positively reprogram the mind and the neurological path- ways of the brain.

Adding positive affirmation to meditations can mindfully help change or renew the mind and also redirect one’s life. When modern medicine supports and ancient practice, it is worth taking a look at. Agree?

Loving you from here,

Dr. Jenine Marie Howry

Jenine Marie Coaching and Ministries, LLC

832-484-8306 for instructional appointment via internet or in person

Reference: Aubrey, Allison. To Lower Blood Pressure, Open Up and Say ‘OM’. npr. August 21, 2008. Retrieved May 16, 2018. Web. https://www.npr.org. 

 

 

 

Body Image Lies

In this world there is always a shadow side to every glimpse of light. Nothing can ever be completely exposed or even true. Knowing what is true is very powerful because truth is powerful. Along with this is also knowing what is not true. Knowing what the lie is and exposing it can always mean a sense of more power in life.

For instance, let’s apply this to women’s body image. Can you imagine already how healing it is to just go through and list what things are simply not true? Take a look at how our society exposes women. Through media publications, and transmissions, we are set up to believe lies when it comes to what a woman should look like. We are blasted with images on a daily basis, of women who are touched up and altered so as not to expose the truth of what they really look like. We get to see airbrushed versions of who a person is.  The images have the cellulite, stretch marks, wrinkles, bags, puffiness, and added pounds subtracted from the equation. I once saw an expose on how some photographers can actually make their models appear 10 pounds lighter. Let’s not even get into the new apps we hear about that can be used on a cell phone to create a slimmer image of us when we capture ourselves in a selfie.

We are all daily bombarded with lies when it comes to image and for some reason we are supposed to think this is better for us. So many women struggle day in and out trying to look like the models that are presented to us every day. I always admire when I read articles on real people who model themselves just as they are. Let’s face the truth here ladies. We will never look like Victoria Secret models because they are all touched and air brushed. We don’t airbrush ourselves every day so let’s look at the lies the media feeds to us.

  1. Cellulite is bad bad bad and unsightly. I feel like this lie is out there so we will try to buy creams and solutions to help get rid of cellulite. So do any of these things ever really work? Let’s be honest here. We are stuck with this stuff and nothing about it makes us less desirable.
  2. Women need a flat stomach. This one is the most frustrating lies I have ever seen. There is no possible way that the average woman has a perfectly flat stomach. Why do we try so hard at that new diet and exercise program when the visual image of what we are trying to achieve is often truly not possible. For some, this flat tummy might be something they naturally have right now. For me, who has had five children, one by C-Section, it is literally impossible. There is no need to be perfectly flat in the stomach area to be acceptable as a woman!
  3. Wrinkles on our face make us look old. This is nuts! Wrinkles do not make us look old. A person with lines and wrinkles with a great outlook on life will always look young and vibrant. Oldness comes with a state of mind and not outward appearance. Anyone can look old and run down, even when they are not that old. This goes to show that in the same respect anyone can look younger and be more vibrant even with the wrinkles that come from living. Laugh lines are not a sin, they just mean we enjoyed life!
  4. We have to be a size 5 to be appealing to others. The amazing thing about all of the differences we have in people in our world is what makes it interesting. If we were all the same size then life would be boring and so would women! Marilyn Monroe was never a size 5 and she was considered to be very alluring.

I think by now my point can be taken here. I am sure many other lies can be exposed, but to do that would mean to write a book. The point is, that if we can expose what the lies are then the truth can shine through. We all know what the truth does; it sets us free. Beauty is not only just in the eye of the beholder on the outside of us, but it is in the way we behold ourselves as well. We have all been created in the image of beauty and beautiful we all are! There is none who has been a mistake. God is a perfect God and He creates perfection even if we tend to think it is imperfect. Maybe we need to start seeing the perfection in what He created and then we will change the way we present ourselves even in media. This subject is such a hard one because just touching on part of it is not enough. There is a depth of despair that comes into play when we consider our body images. Can we even imagine a world where body image is not an issue? Sometimes I wonder if we can ever get to the enlightened point where we can accept ourselves as we are and stop trying to portray an image that no one can ever uphold in real life.

Today, don’t despair in your healing journey when it comes to body image. We all are going through it. My hope is that soon we can find ways to get through the healing together and through it we will change the rest of the world!

Sincerely Yours,

Dr. Jenine Marie Howry

 

Online Cheating

Do I really want to talk about this one? Sometimes God nudges me in directions that I really don’t want to go but it is necessary. This morning it happens to be online cheating. It comes up so much more often than most of us realize. Our techie age has created wonderful ways to meet people we otherwise would not meet, but unfortunately it is becoming the number one mode of marital/relationship infidelity. It is also becoming one of the foremost reasons for divorce in our country and others. After all, our country includes Canada, Mexico, and also the United States. Infidelity extends to the Philippines and other areas of the world. With the world at our fingertips the possibilities are multiplied.

I can already hear the questioning in my ears as to whether online communication with no intimacy is cheating or not. Well, I guess I can ask this question in return. Does your spouse know about your communications? If not, its cheating. It makes no difference if there is flirtation or not. Satisfying emotional needs with someone besides your spouse is cheating. I’ve written on adultery before. It seems to come up a lot. I think because it happens so very much in our society. It makes me wonder if there ever is a faithful marriage or relationship.

Here are some important reasons why connecting online or by text message to someone other than ones spouse is detrimental to a marriage.

  1. It gives intimacy to another person that belongs to a marital partner.
  2. Marital intimacy is affected, and where there is no intimacy it is considered abandonment.
  3. Secret communications and abandonment of intimacy is adultery which is considered to be a Biblical reason for divorce.
  4. It will cause unspeakable pain to the spouse that one thinks will always be unaware. Believe me, spouses always become aware eventually.
  5. It is extremely disrespectful to a spouse who is on the other side of it
  6. Sometimes there is no way to repair the damage it causes.

Bottom line, if you cherish your spouse or relationship and don’t want to lose it, then STOP. The Bible tells us that we should be in control of our actions and our bodies. There really are no excuses that are valid. We should tame the tongue, be in control of our own flesh, and be faithful in our marriage and relationships.

No excuse can change these issues. A strong faith is required in this world and with God. We are expected to walk the upstanding journey with God. If we refuse then we don’t love God and we can’t possibly love our spouse that much. Real love lays down its life for another. That means the temptation to connect with temporary thrills and chills that will end up permanent damage. It’s a huge smoke screen and it causes a lot of damage.

Don’t allow the devil to win in your relationships! If there is someone you cherish, don’t risk the possibility  of losing that person to momentary pleasures or connections that disrespect your marriage.

I pray for you and for your marriage and relationships to come. Be stronger than temptation and dump the junk that the devil uses to break up every marriage he targets. Remember, we are here to run the race with diligence. Don’t allow marriage failure due to adultery or abandonment to hinder your race.

Lovingly,

Pastor Jenine Marie Howry

Jenine Marie Coaching and Ministries

Are Your Relationships Suffering Because of Your Phone?

No doubt our current technology is an amazing thing! Way back in what now seems like the stone age, we never imagined the freedom in technology we have these days. We see people while we talk on the phone or online. We transmit messages instantly and send at the touch of a button. Wow, who knew? May I add that energy makes this possible, but this blog post is not about energy, atoms, or even our personal chi. Although, I could go off on that tangent!

No, this blog post is about using technology wisely and how its misuse can give off the worst impression ever. I can already see your nod when I mention this. Its been said before and probably quite a few times from many different sources. Texting and scrolling through one’s phone while having lunch, a discussion, or spending time with someone is RUDE.

I’ve had this happen a few times in my recent years and even in my recent months. I’ve been invited to lunches, business connections, dinners, and just plain talked to people in line at the store where their nose never left their phones. I’ve really wanted to say something but only in one case really had the guts. I guess I should work on my tactful nerve. I’ve actually walked into restaurants and witnessed people having lunch and all of them texting on their phones. Why gather to begin with? I’ve sat with two other people eating while they both texted and spent most of their time on their phone. I wondered if we lunched at all. Maybe if I had on my high-powered business suit they might have been a bit more “polite”. Although, it should not matter what I was wearing. I still wonder if they even heard me at all.

Here is the real thought in question. Why spend time chatting with someone on your phone while a live person is right in front of you? Honestly, I think it is a new form of addiction. No one talks any more! It’s too easy to text, and I am guilty as charged when it comes to the ease of the text message. Yet, I never text at the table when I am with others and rarely text when I am with my significant other unless its important that I do so. Even then I excuse myself.

I feel like I have to fight for the right to be seen. Let me explain how it feels to be at a business lunch or casual lunch and people are texting during the whole lunch. It makes a person feel INVISIBLE and INVALUABLE. I don’t like to be rude and interrupt a person’s texting but I do feel that if someone has made the time to spend time with me, then that is what I should get; the other person’s undivided attention.

Are you consensual texting? If you are a married couple and can’t even watch a movie together without texting on your phones then, ah hem, you have a marriage problem. You might not think so but you do. If you have a friend you meet for lunch and you text the whole time, then you have no friendship there at all. You might have the illusion of friendship but you have nothing if you can’t spend time with that person uninterrupted.

I think I made a point to evaluate here. Are we willing to risk ruining our relationships over the technological age? It’s not that it is all bad. Remember, everything with discretion, moderation, and in balance. Repeat, “The Universe loves balance!” Also, “God loves relationship!” Yes, it is true we can have a full heart connection through technology and that is wonderful! I love the smiley faces and even the sad one’s to give the impression of emotion. At the sacrifice of someone who is right in front of us, this is not a good option though. No one wants to be anyone’s sacrificial lamb.

Honestly, I think the next time someone invites me to lunch and texts the whole time, I will ask for a clean plate, take the phone out of their hand, place it on the plate and tell them to have a nice lunch and leave. I’m a real strong advocate of how we teach people how to treat us. If they get away with being rude once they will do it again. We are all worth more than that. We are worth our weight in gold and then some!

Do a heart connection. Leave your phone in your purse or pocket. Better yet, spend time with someone and leave your phone at home. Do we even dare try that one? If you can’t leave your phone at home, you might have a phone addiction problem. Hmm, much to ponder.

Loving you from here!

Dr. Jenine Marie Howry

Jenine Marie Coaching and Ministries LLC 

Ever Wonder What Your “Self” Is?

I recall a pivotal moment when I heard the expression, “Out of all the things you miss in life, do you miss your mind the most?” I’m not sure who first said that, but I would certainly give credit if I could. I only know it was years ago now and I had to stop and think about it. Do I miss my mind, and what does that really mean? If my mind is missing, does that mean I am out of my mind? So many questions, so little time, right?

More confusion came lately as I began to study for my doctorate. I was reading books faster than a speeding bullet and I am pretty sure I broke the sound barrier one night. Several books later and probably about a pound of pretzels, I found myself getting real irritated. All I kept reading about was the “self”. Old adages came back to my brain, “Be true to yourself,” Be real with yourself,” Be kind to yourself.” I could feel my eye brows taking the concerned look and then my right one going up like I had a strange question. I knew it was coming. I waited. Then there it was. “Do you really KNOW yourself? Oh dear God! Out loud I suddenly found myself saying, “Oh self, self SELF!”

Like a magnet, I found I was suddenly attracted to the mirror. I looked real deeply. Who IS this person looking back at me? For heaven’s sake I know every line crinkle and crease of the face that was looking back at me.  I really tried to focus. I told myself all of the things I have done and come through. I am the one who endured this and I came through that. I am also so and so’s mother and his wife, her minister, her friend, a prayer partner. Dang, the list went on and on but I realized not one of those things really described my “SELF”.

Think about this. Take away all of the things you identify yourself with. Take away the writer, the cook, the cleaner, the worker bee, the husband or wife. You get the picture. Now that you are empty. Answer this question. Who the heck are you, and who or what is your SELF? I guess we could all use those descriptive things like being a child of God or a treasure in this universe. I’m shaking my head here because that is still not it. I never realized how much we label our “selves”. Crazy, huh? I was at a loss. Who was this self all of the books were talking about, and what does it mean to me?

I felt myself just sigh right at this moment. I never took the time to find out! I realized that I have always identified myself in the reflection, or in the relation to other things or people. Without all of those things, what is there left? I looked in the mirror again. Just me. I swear at that moment I could hear God. You know, that moment where Moses talked to Him on the mountain and He told him His name was “I AM”. I heard “I AM”! I closed my eyes and pictured God in me, and heard the whisper…”I AM”. Just as mysterious and mystical as God Himself, I could feel that “I AM”. Ever try to describe God without stating what He does or what He is in relation to us?

For a moment, I sat in the silence. This transcendent, esoteric, strangeness came over me. I sat there with just “I AM”. Whooosh! The calm and the quiet peace was so silent it was loud. Does that make sense at all? I am here because God birthed me. That was my main thought. I am here, and even more profound, because I am here the world is complete. Now that is a lofty statement, right? But its true! Think of this. You are here and so therefore the world is complete and would not be complete without you. The serenity (my new buzz word) is just so thick we can almost touch it at even the thought of who we really are and how important our “selves” really are.

Imagine a chain with a broken link. Would it be strong enough to endure all things if that link was too weak to hold the rest together? That is us. That is humanity. Without any one of us at our appointed time the chain is too weak to hold us up. We are THAT connected. Our deep self is that important to the rest of everyone else. After all these thoughts hit me I struggled just to make sure I was not on some strange sugar high or a massive pretzel carb load. Nope, I knew it right then and there it was all true. My SELF is the link in the chain that makes us all strong, along with all the other links.

Wrap your head around this. Without you, we are lost. Together we create a humanity that is the image of God because He made us in His image. There is NO separation from God or each other. So when a loved one leaves this planet they are not “lost” as we describe them. They are found! They are right here, still connected to this great soul train that God brought to life in the beginning with one deep breath. Phew. Now that is heavy lifting!

Needless to say I did finish reading all of the rest of my books for my school work. But now I have a better idea of how important our “self ” really is and all of the quirky things about us that make us a unique person. Don’t ya just love it? You will never ever be lost because you are tied to the greatest creation in all the earth. Human kind.

Loving you from here

Dr Jenine Marie Howry

Life Can Turn On a Dime

For something to “turn on a dime” actually refers to a vehicle or something turning quickly without expectation and with precision. When we apply this to life, it has come to refer to a sudden shift in direction without notice or warning.

I think it was at least a decade ago, or more, I received a late call from a woman I had never spoken to before. She must have seen my advertising for my counseling/coaching office and desperately needed to talk. I sat on the floor on the phone next to my bed just listening as she sobbed and explained how her husband had come to her all of a sudden and told her he had been seeing someone else. He not only wanted a divorce but he gave her papers that explained he had wanted her to move out of the house they had lived together in for almost 25 years. She was in her late 50’s and could not imagine what she would do with her life now.

The next morning, we met for breakfast. Through sobs she said, “I never saw this coming.” My heart went out to her. She had so much life still ahead and yet so much of it had been lived with the same man for so long. She could not imagine what life was going to be like. Her life had turned on a dime.

Another woman I had met had given birth to a baby girl several years prior. During her pregnancy she had learned her child would be born with a rare birth defect and was given the opportunity to decide to end the pregnancy (which she chose not to). I listened to her story as her eyes filled with tears, recalling the day she received the news. Life would never be the same again. This child would need continual care the rest of her life which would require the woman to give up her medical career she studied and worked hard for. Her life turned on a dime.

Yet, another couple struggled as they watched their young daughter fight for her life after being hit by a car. She was in a coma and had a very slim chance of living. Up until then, their lives had a pretty set routine. As one of the most precious joys of their lives slipped away in front of their eyes, with tears, they shook their head in disbelief. Yes, their life turned on a dime.

Not all sudden changes are good news. Many of them are very trying. As I look back, I can recall many times when life changed very quickly and without notice. I wonder, “Is this God’s way of shaking us up a bit, or maybe waking us up?” Of course, there are those who have amazing turns, like getting an unexpected promotion or the surprise of a marriage proposal. Even still, life is going to change. Dramatically it will change a person’s history and future. There can also be the sudden fulfillment of all we ever dreamed of. I suppose in the scheme of things, we all would rather have those shifts but life is not always like that. For some reason many of our life’s turns are those that follow difficult news to choke down.

We are learning here. Our playground changes scenes and sometimes the players change as well. It often feels like a cruel force of nature but we face the challenge of needing to be flexible and pliable. Think of the palm tree. These tall massive trees with thin trunks tend to bend and bow like a Q-tip when faced with gale force winds or hurricanes. Rarely do they snap. At any moment the trees might be subjected to something that will cause them to rely on their firmly planted roots and pliable trunks. By comparison, many other less grounded trees can be uprooted, broken into pieces, and torn apart.

You know where I am going with this already, right? What kind of tree do you want to be? There is a choice. You can choose to be stiff and rigid like many of the trees we have on earth, or like the palm, deeply planted and rooted and pliable against sudden changes. The message here, is those who are the survivors are strong yet flexible. If you are not now, guaranteed you will learn to be, because life can turn on a dime and you will find yourself with a new direction staring you in the face. You will need to make new decisions, and change the old ones. Life will make a U-turn and the scenery will change.

Will you be strong and flexible?

Dr. Jenine Marie Howry

Jenine Marie Coaching and Ministries LLC 

How To Trust In An Un-Trusting World

Trust is a very valuable thing. In the human world we EARN the trust of others. In the realm of God we can trust everything because God is faithful and never deviates from the true nature of who He is. What do we do in a world where it is so hard to trust? Can we ever truly trust anything outside of ourselves when humans are not perfect and can so easily make mistakes?

Trusting depends on where our trust is directed. Have you ever given thought to trusting yourself? Can you depend on yourself and do you believe in yourself too? When the chips are down and the world is hard to understand can you rely on yourself in any circumstance to bring things through, regardless of what that might look like?

Trusting yourself is your answer when it is hard to trust others. Let me give you an example. I get nervous when other people drive and I am in the passenger seat. It makes no difference who it is. No two people have the same responses to stopping, going, and how we determine speed etc. There have been many a time I have “put on the brakes” from the passenger side when I think there might be an unwelcome meeting with the car I am in and someone else’s. But, when I drive, I trust myself. I know myself and how I respond.  In the past I have swerved in order to avoid an altercation with another vehicle.

In fact,  anywhere in life when I am doing the driving, I am trusting life. It’s the same with self trust in any aspect of life. Once we know we can completely trust who we are then life becomes more bearable even when others are going haywire. In a world where it is hard to trust, place your trust in God, but also trust yourself in any process on the journey. It’s a gift you can give to yourself.

“Today, I will give myself the ultimate gift of trust. I know I can handle any obstacle that comes my way. I trust my faith, my ideas, and my decisions. Even in the wake of mistakes, I know I can trust my way out of them.”

Loving you from here

Dr. Jenine Marie Howry

Moments of Decision’s Past

Some moments in time are like dividing lines between seasons of learning, maturing, and growing. Think of those moments where your decisions might have been a bit more wise, clear, and spiritually discerning. Mind you, we don’t live in the past, but we should reflect on it in order to learn. Over the last few weeks I have been in a mode where even in my dreams my past decisions have been looming up in front of me. It’s amazing how the thoughts of possible upcoming trials can spin us into moments of evaluation.

It’s good to evaluate. It brings clarity into our lives and sometimes we even see the gift that resides within what we deem as mistakes. Remember, whatever choices you made in the past were the right ones for the moment according to where you were in maturity, understanding, and faith. There is nothing that grows us up faster than what we see as a wrong decision. Putting things in perspective, there is never really a wrong decision. It is just a decision. The label of “wrong” is something we place upon ourselves out of judgement.

Judgement comes from criticism and thinking something is below or beneath us. Observation comes with logic from the mind and spiritual grace with discernment. Remember when evaluating the past or even the present, to do so as “the observer”and not “the judge and jury”. God’s grace is sufficient to cover us in all of our decisions regardless to how we tend to label them, Often we are concerned about others judgment of us, when we are usually the greatest judge of ourselves. After all, others tend to mirror back to us what is within us anyway. Its like looking into a clear still lake when watching others and seeing our reflection.

When bringing up things of the past that you have deemed as “wrong” decisions, remember to:

First be kind to yourself and understand where you were in mentality and growth at the moment.

Make a list of those things you believe you could have done better.

Look at your list with the spirit of observation not judgement.

Rip up the list or shred it and say good-bye to all of the perceived mistakes you have made in life.

Go out into the breezy sunlight and allow the warmth to radiate on your face. Let the breeze remind you that your life has moved on. (Use a fan and close your eyes if there is no breeze)! 

Be grateful for the experience and laugh over the humor in some of the ways things used to be. Be thankful you are in this place of understanding today. God is always good! 

All things must be dealt with in the open and brought into the Light of God in order to deal with them and heal from them. Seeing them as learning experiences will release you from the bondage of being a mistake. Thank yourself and God for the lesson! Remember your shift in understanding is a creative miracle! Allow the emotional part of all of it be healed in the presence of God’s Spirit!

Loving you from here,

Dr. Jenine Marie Howry

Jenine Marie Coachng and Ministries LLC 

For Depression and Anxiety: Bergamot Essential Oil

These days it seems I am always looking for ways to naturally assist my body processes, contribute to better health, and overall ease in life. One very essential item I found I can not do without is Bergamot Essential Oil. This oil is extracted from a tree through cold pressing and has a delightful citrus type smell with maybe some spicy elements to it as well.

I first was attracted to Bergamot because it helps with depression and anxiety. Bergamot essential oil will stimulate production of serotonin and dopamine in the brain which are essential neurotransmitters we need. Without maintaining them we become depressed and also anxious. Whereas antidepressants work in order to maintain levels of serotonin and dopamine, Bergamot actually stimulates their production. All that is needed is to open the cap of the bottle and take a deep breath! Or it can be lightly defused into the air.

Bergamot can be added to tea in order to drink it. It can be combined with black tea or any herbal tea. In fact Earl Grey tea has Bergamot already in it! If you want the full effects of the essential oil its best to use drops of it or to inhale its effects. It can be mixed with a carrier oil such as olive oil, almond oil, or castor oil, in order to spread lightly onto the skin. It makes a good deodorant, kills bacteria on the body from sweating, and also can be used as a mouthwash in warm water to kill bacteria that causes bad breath.

It’s a very good relaxant and will relieve muscle spasms, pain due to sprains or any kind of body ache. Mix with a carrier oil and apply as a massage oil for pain relief. Other benefits:

Heals intestinal walls, stimulates bowel movements, prohibits gallstones, will kill worm infections, helps respiratory issues, will reduce inflammation, reduce fever, clear up scars, use as a facial or skin care component for clear skin, evens skin tone.

Please look up some of the combinations the oil can be used in order to find the right amount of essential oil and carrier oil in order to use effectively and safely. Remember, with essential oils a little goes a long way!

Personally, I like to drop some in warm tea, use with castor oil and spread on my skin to even skin tone and allow me to smell the aroma. I use it for depression, anxiety, and to induce a calm sleep. If you have muscle spasms in the back, have someone smooth some on in a massage oil to help with the spasms and drip some into your tea and relax!

I use this oil during meditative times to help relaxation and promote balance of emotions and stress.

****The image above is of the essential oil I purchase. You can get it on the Walmart.com website. The cost is usually about $9.97 and it ships FREE within a few days!

****Do not diffuse essential oils into the air where cats are living. Many essential oils are toxic to cats. If you have kitty fur friends, best that you use or diffuse where they are not going to be or do not diffuse into the air.

**** Always try essential oils in small amounts at first and consult a pharmacist for any drug interactions you might have. Used properly the benefits can be amazing!

Loving you from here,

Dr. Jenine Marie Howry

Jenine Marie Coaching and Ministries, LLC 

17 Things Couples Tend to Over Share on Social Media

 

New relationships can be both fun and exciting, prompting a lot of couples to want to share their excitement with the world, specifically, via social media. Social media affords many individuals and couples the opportunity to share their happiness, sometimes unhappiness with not only family and close friends but everyone in the stratosphere. Most of us have been there, unable to contain our happiness about our new love and budding relationship, however, some things should not be shared with everyone. Advancements in technology and social media has really changed the way most people socialize, engage the world, and view relationships. Years ago, when you started a new relationship you would share the news with your best friend, opting to reveal your status to your family until it became “serious”. However, with the changes in the usage, users, and options to share, we have not only increased our usage, but what we reveal and how we reveal it on social media. Social media is not limited to couples, but single adults and children. We share both insignificant and significant, from what we ate on a given day to sickness, additions to family, and breakups.

It may come as a surprise, but nearly one-third of all adults and teenagers post their relationship statuses to social media outlets, such as Facebook. Unfortunately, with the sharing of personal, intimate details of our lives also comes with scrutiny and judgement. Seeing someone’s life and relationship updates can be a welcome distraction from our own less interesting or challenging lives. Would it shock you to know that more than half of social media users lie about or exaggerate their statuses online? Often, users will report their relationships or partners in a fantastical way with everything “being great”, having the “perfect partner” or the “perfect relationship”, when their partner or the relationship is far from perfect. Keep in mind no one and no relationship is perfect, every relationship has its ups and downs, every person has both good and bad traits. Consider this, most people watching our lives play out online we barely know, do not remember, or have never met. However, that does not seem to stop our social media or “Facebook” friends from weighing in on the changes and or updates we report. Every time an update or status is reported we have potentially invited another person into our lives and relationships.

In addition to the limitless opportunities to share, some users utilize social media to keep tabs on or spy on current and former partners.  Keeping tabs on current as well as former partners can lead to breakdown of a current relationship or inability to move on from a previous relationship. Using social media to spy can lead to insecurities, self-doubt, or unwarranted suspicions. Rather than providing updates on our lives and partners we are encouraged to live life, not write about it, engage in it both selflessly and feverishly.

Although, you may want to cast yourself and your relationship in the best light possible, you may also be setting your partner and yourself up for unrealistic expectations. Relationships and people are not without fault or imperfections; therefore, they should not be depicted that way online or anywhere else. Relationships that are exaggerated online can lead persons viewing your posts to question their own relationship quality. Those that play out negatively online can lead to onlookers taking sides, speculating about the future of your relationship, reveling your relationship challenges, pitying your relationship, etc. Once you put something online you cannot take it back, it is out there, and it is out there to stay.

 

17 Things Couples Tend to Over Share on Social Media

  • Their relationship status
  • Overly mushy exchanges
  • Relationship challenges/fights
  • A cheating partner
  • Intimate or sexual details
  • Sexy/scandalous pictures of a partner
  • Criticisms of a partner or former partner
  • Comparisons between themselves and an ex-partners new partner
  • Mean spirited jokes
  • Breakups
  • Pregnancy announcements
  • Challenges with conception
  • Flaunting of personal items or gifts
  • Multiple pictures
  • Jealousy comments
  • Friends or families dislike for a partner
  • Vacation photos with your partner

Every relationship goes through a period of ups and downs. The good, the bad, and the ugly. However, the things that strengthen a relationship and enhances the bond between partners is their ability to communicate directly with each other, rather than communicating through social media, or sharing personal details about their relationship online. The urge to share can seem overwhelming, especially, in a budding relationship. However, to preserve intimacy and keep your relationship private you need to resist the urge and keep the details of your relationship between your partner and yourself.

As you spend more time with your partner and keep private things private the trust in the relationship builds, you become closer as a couple. Notably, when you overshare on social media you open yourself and your relationship up for criticism and negative feedback that can affect your thoughts and actions in your relationship. When partners overly share details of their relationship, those lending their advice can say things or make recommendations that are less than positive. This advice can lead to self-doubt, pressure to escalate the relationship, and cause tension in the relationship.