Communicating With Your Kid

Communicating with Your Kid

Teen and Parent Talking

I was chauffeuring my kids one day listening to radio news. The newscaster announced  the average American parent spends 3 minutes each day communicating with their kids.  I was horrified. 3 minutes? I knew I was doing a much better job than “THOSE” parents and decided to monitor our communication to prove this.  I paid close attention for the next week while I communicated with my kids. What I found was that I was talking to my kids more than 3 minutes each day, but it was focused on directions “hurry up and get in the car”, “do you have your homework done?” “stop aggravating her.”   So lots of talking and not much communication.  I wasn’t doing any better than THOSE parents, I was one of them.  I was shocked to learn that I spent so much time give directions and no clear time communicating.  So how can you actively communicate with your kids?

  • The time spent in the car driving to and from is not great communication time because it limits eye contact and face to face sharing.
  • Don’t be afraid to tell your kids you made a mistake or that you are sorry.
  • You don’t have to explain reasons for your decisions other than to say you are concerned about their safety. Some times the reason is “because I said so”.  Long winded explanations will not help your kids understand any better.
  • Always be as honest as possible. Tell them you don’t know everything but are doing best you can.
  • Make certain they hear that life is not fair, not everyone wins, things will make them angry throughout life and they will have their feelings hurt.
  • Most of all, take the time to listen.  Listen without electronics in place, TV on, or while trying to finish a task. Set a time with them to meet later in the day to sit and talk.
  • Humor is important in family life.  Laughing lessens tension, humanizes us, and helps lower blood pressure, improve our immune system, and lessens pain.
  • Admit your mistakes immediately. Kids need to see that parents can admit wrongs and not lose face over it.  Introduce the concept of learning from mistakes.
  • And cut yourself some slack, you are doing the best you can.

Kim offers a free 10-minute consultation on her Virtual Therapist Network site. Kim accepts most major major insurance companies and even offers a sliding scale for those in lower-income households.

Kim works in Bradley, Illinois and as an On-line Therapist (Video over the Internet) to help her clients verbalize their issues, learn to view things differently, and feel comfortable with their decisions. Just as there is not one correct answer in life, there are multiple ways to find a solution in counseling. Kim will work with you to find the most appropriate solution for you. Please contact Kim at her Associated Counseling office in Bradley Illinois or on-line at the Virtual Therapist Network.

What is Transformational Life Coaching?

Transformational Life Coaching

(Online therapy or in person). Transformational Life Coaching removes the pathological aspects that the medical disease model of mental disorders prescribes. No longer is the client viewed as ill with a diagnosis in need of treatment. Transformational coaching develops a working relationship in “creating a future”, rather than “getting over” the past, finding your life purpose. Transformational Life Coaching a step beyond traditional psychotherapy, to a higher level of functioning! Learn more about our Alternative Health Wellness products!

All Session Types

When scheduling please specify 60 or 90 minute session and the type of session desired.

Business Session

Business Coaching Session (60 – 90 min)

Evaluate current status of your business goals – from conception to implementing growth and beyond. Each business venture is unique, let’s navigate your ideas and put them in play!

Couples Relationship Checkup Evaluation & Session

Couples Relationship session following completion of Gottman Relationship Assessment Tool.  (60 – 90 min)

The  Relationship Tool Questionnaire will be sent directly to each person separately from The Gottman Institute; the cost is included in this package.

https://checkup.gottman.com/

 

It’s  possible to evaluate your relationship to recognize areas for improvement, as well as recognize areas of strength!

Couples Relationship Session

Couples Relationship Coaching  (60 – 90 min)

 

We are hard wired to attach through relationships, attachment with others is innate. The main reason that people seek sessions are related to problems with relationships. Such problems might  arise at home, at work, or they might appear as a general feeling of  not fitting in. Relationships are all around us, relationship with  others not only intimately.

Family Session

Family Coaching Session (60-90 min)

The family unit if not working smoothly will affect the entire family dynamic. Families are comprised of many varieties, including blended families. The inner circle of immediate family quickly extends to in-laws, grandparents and other extended family members.

As each family is different, sessions will be individualized for that families needs!

Forgiveness Experiential Session

Session begins with Guided Imagery in preparation of Forgiveness Experiential  (60 – 90 min)

Once you forgive you never experience life the same again. You gain perspective, and become more flexible in your thinking about yourself and others. Forgiveness is a choice. Once you forgive, you are back in control on your life.  Forgiveness does not mean rationalizing or condoning the behavior.

Individual Session

Individual Coaching Session (60 – 90 min)

Coaching sessions are a safe and supportive space for  personal growth and change to take place – a journey of self-exploration  we take together. As an Transformational Coach, I will share  observations and ask questions that assist to the achievement of your individual goals!

Metaphysical Sessions

Metaphysical Coaching Session  (60 – 90 min)

As an Intuitive Metaphysician, I bring insight and 10 years of experience as a psychotherapist (now practicing solely as a Transformational Life Coach) .

  • *Consciousness Awaking
  • *Guided Meditation – Individualized and personalized
  • *Healing – cord cutting
  • *Spiritual Counseling

Mid-Life Crisis Coaching Session

There comes a time when we begin to question everything we’ve ever believed… satisfaction with our lives,  relationships, career and so much more. This is a time of self-actualization that we all are faced with.

However, for some this is a frustrating and confusing time of life. Together we can navigate this journey of mid-life crossroads!

 

Mid-Life Crisis for Women

Mid-Life Crisis for Men

(yes they are different)


Online Therapy

Hours flexible to meet your individual needs. All virtual video sessions are secure through “WeCounsel” platform. Can be paid for in advance online via WeCounsel. https://portal.wecounsel.com/directory/alternativesincounselingcherylwheeler

Women’s Online Group – Life Coaching

Group Coaching Session (90 min)

Life Coaching (Tuesday’s 11am – 12:30pm MST, 1pm – 2:30pm EDT).  Allows for interactive feedback from group members. Conversations focus on individual goal setting, deepening awareness of self, taking action steps and accountability. Gain insight from the collective wisdom of the group in areas such as, work-life balance, relationship improvement, expanding self worth, and more. Secured through Wecounsel.com


Telephone

Hours flexible to meet your individual needs, including evenings and weekend hours. State your time zone when scheduling your telephone session.


In Person

Hours flexible to meet your individual needs, including evening and weekend hours. Three satalite offices in the Phoenix, Arizona area: Scottsdale 85258, Ahwatukee 85044, Midtown Phoenix 85006.


Alternative Health Wellness Products

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Alternative Health Wellness storefront on Amazon!  Featuring  MirorCore  products  are a unique, proprietary blend of amazing essential plant   oils that  work ‘wonders’ from first aid to sanitizing food, cleaning   your  home…and maintaining wellness!

 

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Learn more: https://alternativesincounseling.com

 

Before the Wedding


We’re Engaged!

Holidays bring engagements and all the excitement they offer us, both now and in the future.  Initially discussions between fiance’s often consists only of details about the wedding, day, venue, wedding party, or type of service.  Before beginning these discussions the couple should consider what their future will look like.

  • Who is responsible for household duties? Will this change with a baby?
  • Who makes financial decisions? One checking account or two? What about credit cards?

How much money do each of you owe on credit cards, student loans, or any other outstanding loans? When do these need to be paid? What is your credit rating?  Can you balance a check book?

  • Cat or dog? No pet?
  • Do you want children? How many and how soon after the wedding?
  • Who will be writing the thank you notes for the gifts? When are they going out?
  • Mountains or oceans?
  • What did Santa bring? Did Santa bring every gift or just one?
  • What religious practices do you follow and will you continue them as a couple? What religion will any children practice?
  • Where do you want to live as a married couple?  House or condo? Buy or rent?
  • How much input should your parents have into your marriage and decisions?
  • How much time will you be spending with your family? Are you expected at certain events?
  • What about nights out with the boys/girls?  Stopping off after work?
  • Are each of you going to work? What about after children are born?
  • Is daycare and babysitters acceptable or will you want only family members to watch the children?
  • How often should parents visit? Where should they stay if traveling to see you?
  • Is birth control allowed and what types will you use?
  • Are there any friends that you don’t want your mate to continue relationships with? Are opposite sex relationships OK? What about staying in touch with old relationships on social media?
  • Is divorce an option?
  • Will there be a prenup?
  • How much time do you expect to spend on hobbies such as watching sports or going shopping?
  • Is infidelity a deal breaker?
  • How do you deal with the flu? Is someone supposed to take care of you?
  • Take out or home cooked? Who will do the cooking in your home? Do each of you know how to cook, do laundry, clean?
  • Does either persons job require traveling? Is one person engaged in seasonal business? How will these situations affect your marriage?
  • Who is supposed to pay bills?
  • Who will be #1-spouse or kids?

These are some general questions that hopefully will lead you into longer discussions about the life together you have  planned.  Differences  in beliefs and attitude are best known before the wedding.  Problems experienced during the engagement will not disappear after you are married and will increase risks for divorce.  Expectations for the marriage must be spelled out prior so each person enters marriage with clear ideas about your life together.  Irritating habits or behaviors now will only increase in intensity over time. Can you spend 5, 10, 15 years with this behavior? No one changes after marriage. If you are entering this marriage believing you can “change him/her”? This is a recipe for disaster as no one change someone’s behaviors.

Marriage has peaks and valleys. What are your expectations? How will you tolerate the valleys and difficult times?   Clear communication prior to marriage is essential to build a foundation for the future relationship.

Premarital counseling will help you to explore the differences and similarities you are experiencing and will help  navigate compromises and reach common ground.  Many clients enter counseling after the marriage stating “I never knew about …” and what impact that would have on their marriage.

Consider beginning counseling immediately after your engagement and prior to beginning wedding planning.  Would you be willing to cancel your wedding if you find you and your mate are not compatible? Entering into a marriage knowing you and your spouse have taken the time to explore each other’s attitude, beliefs, and habits will increase your feelings of security with your decision.

Kim offers a free 10-minute consultation on her Virtual Therapist Network site. Kim accepts most major major insurance companies and even offers a sliding scale for those in lower-income households.

Kim works in Bradley, Illinois and as an On-line Therapist (Video over the Internet) to help her clients verbalize their issues, learn to view things differently, and feel comfortable with their decisions. Just as there is not one correct answer in life, there are multiple ways to find a solution in counseling. Kim will work with you to find the most appropriate solution for you. Please contact Kim at her Associated Counseling office in Bradley Illinois or on-line at the Virtual Therapist Network.

Stress Free Holidays


The holidays are approaching and with them comes inevitable stress about gift buying, family celebrations, and the impact on our finances.  Many people plan the “perfect” holiday season: gifts purchased and wrapped early, the house decorated perfectly both inside and out, and all of your holiday baking will be delicious and phenomenal!  Then we find we are disappointed with the entire holiday season because we could not reach the level of perfection we imagined.   The reality is that gifts are expensive and we often don’t know what to purchase for someone, making those perfect cookies takes time we may not have, and we cannot compete with the picture we envisioned for our house and yard.

This year stop competing with yourself and develop  more realistic holiday plans.  How much money do you have for gifts and postage? Many people buy all gifts with credit cards delaying the awareness of how much was spent.  Communicating your financial abilities and resources with your family will help to offer a more realistic picture of your resources for family holidays.  Resources include our time. Take an honest look at your calendar and plan times for cookie baking and decorating.  Decorate once and leave everything alone! Get kids involved in cookie making and decorating.  Make holiday traditions instead of aiming for perfection.  Everyone loves sugar cookies decorated by children.

Consider some of these ideas to decrease your stress and increase you enjoyment during the holidays.

  • Consider a family vacation instead of gifts for everyone.  Get all the family involved in decision making.  A family trip eliminates purchase and wrapping of gifts and helps kids learn about importance of family and memories rather than material things.
  • Have a cookie exchange with family or neighbors.
  • Have a “decoration exchange” with someone and enjoy a different look this season.  This also allows you to have “new” decorations without cost of purchasing.
  • Utilize the gift wrapping services available at most malls.  Frequently non-profit groups will wrap gifts for donation. Help both of you this season!
  • Consider “adopting” a family in need instead of gifts for each other.  Consider working at a community holiday dinner for those who may not have had a dinner otherwise.
  • Use social media to send holiday greeting rather then holiday cards eliminating time and expense of postage.

Part of our role as parents is to teach our children responsible financial behaviors.  This may include setting limits on number or amount of money spent.  Discuss “sharing” a gift if it is too expensive for one child.  Help kids with a “secret Santa” or drawing names to further teach lessons on money, making choices, and developing skills in wrapping and keeping secrets.

The most important stress reliever will be to have realistic expectations; nothing will be perfect but will be enjoyed anyway.  Don’t plan on family members “getting along” at a holiday dinner if they usually argue at every opportunity.  Allow yourself to neglect something due to lack of time or money.  Remember the true purpose of the holidays and don’t let yourself become distracted by commercialism  or materialism.  Take time to celebrate the true meaning of the holidays and communicate this to your kids.

If you are feeling increasingly stressed or depressed, consider seeking help and talking with someone about how you feel.

Kim offers a free 10-minute consultation on her Virtual Therapist Network site. Kim accepts most major major insurance companies and even offers a sliding scale for those in lower-income households.

Kim works in Bradley, Illinois and as an On-line Therapist (Video over the Internet) to help her clients verbalize their issues, learn to view things differently, and feel comfortable with their decisions. Just as there is not one correct answer in life, there are multiple ways to find a solution in counseling. Kim will work with you to find the most appropriate solution for you. Please contact Kim at her Associated Counseling office in Bradley Illinois or on-line at the Virtual Therapist Network.

 

Teen Dating Violence: Signs Parents Need to Watch Out For

When it comes to domestic violence and abuse among dating couples, you may automatically call to mind an image of an adult couple. However, teens are just as susceptible to the issue. In fact, teen dating violence is a prevalent issue that can lead to a wealth of problems. Teens subjected to dating violence may suffer from depression and anxiety, and may even abuse drugs or alcohol to cope.

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How to Manage Family Conflict During Holiday Gatherings

The holiday season is often exciting because you get to eat good food and spend time with loved ones. However, it can also be stressful, even under normal circumstances. You may experience added stress if you deal with family conflict during holiday gatherings. Fortunately, those conflicts do not have to put a damper on your holiday cheer. There are ways to manage family conflict.

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