Loving someone is risky business, so it’s natural that fear is present in relationships.
But, when fear operates in our life in a way that hurts us or hurts others — through aggression or withdrawal — it becomes a problem.
Recognizing these fears and how they affect our life can help us make the necessary changes to get the love we want.
- Fear of losing freedom. Tied down, trapped, cornered, stuck—this “claustrophobia” points to mistaken beliefs about what relationships are supposed to be.
- Fear of conflict. Let’s face it, love can be messy. But it doesn’t have to be destructive. Constructive communication skills can be learned.
- Fear of change. Change means work, discomfort, uncertainty. But oh, the rewards of growth and depth and renewal!
- Fear of giving up or losing control. We don’t have to surrender personal power in a healthy relationship.
- Fear of pain. Ultimately, we must decide whether we trust fear or trust love.
- Fear of being “found out.” When we hide our true self from those we love, we’re usually afraid that our true self is unlovable.
- Fear of losing self. Often this comes from watching others (parent, friend, relative) suppress their individuality in relationship.
- Fear of not being enough. When we fear our own inadequacy, we often expect perfection in our partners.
- Fear of rejection. To avoid being rejected, we may become pleasers, taking our authentic needs and desires out of the equation.
- Fear of dependency. Some worry about losing the ability to take care of themselves, some about the responsibility for others.
Monica Ramunda is a solution-focused online therapist with two office locations in Louisville and Capital Hill, Denver for in-office visits. With a Master’s degree in Counseling Psychology and more than 16 years of experience in therapy and counseling, Monica works as both a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) and Registered Play Therapist (RPT) with adults and children respectively. Much of Monica’s success is based on her eclectic orientation and drawing on a wide range of different approaches and techniques, all the while remaining strongly grounded in the principles of Cognitive Behavioral Techniques (CBT).