Let Your Words Speak Volumes To Your Spouse
When you can keep your emotion in check, your message can really shine through. This doesn?t mean you should try to shove your emotions out of the way. They may be a very important part of your situation. But remember ? the whole point of communicating is to be clearly understood. To do that, your channel of communication must go two ways. Excessive emotion interferes with that. Take a little time alone to help you ride the wave of feelings and let them settle on their own.
Another option is to take a quick exercise break before you continue the conversation. Exercise is a terrific stress reducer and it can easily distract you from your intense feelings. You may also find it helpful to write out the things you want to say so you take care to deliver your message more clearly.
It?s OK to take your time talking about something that makes you really emotional. You?ll get through the problem more easily if you can keep your spouse on your side instead of pushing them away.
2. Think about Why You Need To Win
A person with emotional insecurities may overcompensate by trying to look superior to his or her spouse. When they stay on top, they feel stronger and more confident. They may have trouble being vulnerable, even with their spouse. To do so would expose their insecurities. This would clash with their belief that they are successful.
They are probably far happier to be around you when you show some imperfections. You may not be used to your spouse showing tenderness toward you. If you married a great person, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. You don?t have to win to feel satisfied.
3. Making Marriage about Me Instead of We.
Have you ever stopped to listen to the chatter going on in your mind? Most likely, it?s focused on you ? what you look like, how you just messed something up, what you have on your schedule later, what you are looking forward to, etc.
Naturally, this chatter is somewhat biased because it?s from your perspective. But how about the chatter that relates to your spouse? Is it all about how much fun you will have later, what you expect from your husband or wife, and what kind of mood you are in?
Take Your Spouse?s Viewpoint and Make Their Day Better
Generosity and considerate behaviors can go a long way toward nurturing a great marriage. Instead of wondering if they?ll ever load the dishwasher right, do something you know your spouse will appreciate. Be forewarned: they may not throw you a ticker-tape parade because you did it. Don?t get caught up in the ?what?s in it for me? trap again.
If you continue a pattern of being more generous and thoughtful toward your spouse, they?ll eventually say or do something as a response. They might hold their comments back at first because they don?t know if this trend will stick. They may be waiting to see if this generosity is a gimmick or a set of new, positive habits. When they see that you are genuine and consistent with your efforts over time, your message will be clear. Let those selfish thoughts pass by and keep doing loving things for your spouse.
Here?s another secret about making an effort like this: Feelings follow actions. In other words, you may not feel loving at first when you do these generous acts. If they don?t say anything at first, you may really wonder why you are bothering at all. Keep going anyway. The more you act with generosity, the more you?ll naturally feel generous and loving toward your spouse.
Change Marriage Communication Mistakes by Changing Habits
It takes some practice to change old marriage communication mistakes. It?s amazing how the energy between spouses can change so much with just a few changes. When you understand how it all fits together, you can make real progress in your relationship right away.
Understand, Not Understood
Communication failure occurs when one person feels that they are not understood.How many times do you react when a love one doesn’t understand you?We want to be understood….we want to know that our husband or wife, friend, or loved one understands us.And when we don’t feel understood, we react, whether silently, verbally, or with action.Usually those reactions are negative and feed into the cycle of breakdown.But consider this:of all the times you focused on not being understood, how often have you tried to understand the other person?It often doesn’t occur to us in an argument that our loved one is also trying to be understood just like us.Clearly, if we sought more to understand, rather than always seeking to be understood, a lot of arguing would cease and we would find that the cycle of endless hurt is broken.
The Problem of Arguing and Failed Communication
It is estimated that when awake, we spend approximately 70% our time communicating, 30% of which is talking. This means that over half of our communication is non-verbal. It?s not what you say; it?s how you say it that can be the cause of communication problems between most couples. When communication between couples becomes strained or even nonexistent, the entire foundation of the relationship is affected